From the earliest days of our marriage in 1986, Hectic Mom and I have been at odds over the kitchen counters. She wants nothing on the counters.
Nothing at all.
To her, the counter is a horizontal space that should remain uncluttered and unfettered. It’s not that she wants the space so she can use it. Honestly, in all these years of marriage she’s used the counters and the island only a handful of times. I’m the cook, I do the prep. The kitchen is really my domain. But that doesn’t stop her from wavering between demanding and begging for empty counters.
On the other hand, I believe there are certain devices and items that should be on the counters. Some are for convenience, some are simply practical, but there’s nothing that I want to keep on the counters that doesn’t make sense to me.
Nothing is there without a reason.
But I do have a tendency to let things collect on horizontal surfaces everywhere in the house. So on the one hand I understand her desire to have the counters cleared, because anything that’s on them is out of place. But to me it’s impractical and a waste of my time to put the coffee maker and the toaster away after every use. Especially since I can’t do that immediately after use. For the toaster I have to wait until it’s cooled off. I would have to empty the water out of the Keurig every time I used it. That would not only waste water, but waste my time.
I do my best to keep other parts of the counters and the island clean, but I essentially ignore Hectic Mom’s demands to keep everything put away. It’s impractical and inefficient.
But that doesn’t mean we don’t have our share of battles about it. After all these years, neither of us will budge. We’ve been unable to compromise.
I have taken steps to make my perceived clutter more palatable. I got a wrought iron set to declutter the island. There’s a cookbook holder, a spoon holder, and a container to hold my spatulas, spoons, and other long-handled equipment. I also make a yeoman’s effort to keep those items clean and logically placed on the island. It’s a great help to have everything handy, clean, and organized.
But Hectic Mom still balks at having things out.
What makes matters worse, is every once in a while she’ll clear the decks and want everything stowed into the cabinets. I think there’s a tipping point, and if the sous vide sits out for one hour too long…then everything has to go.
When I started writing this I figured I’d be able to offer some advice on how to deal with this situation. But honestly, I have no idea how to come to grips with it. Frankly, since the kitchen is my domain, I really feel like I’ve got a right to have things where I want them and where they make sense to me. But Hectic Mom also has to walk through the kitchen numerous times during the week, and I know the clutter bothers her. I’ve tried to consolidate the things I believe need to be out, but that doesn’t seem to go far enough for her.
I guess this is one of those situations in married life where we’re going to have to agree to disagree and move on as best we can. I’ll continue to try and minimize the impact I have on Hectic Mom’s psyche…without driving myself crazy in the process.
Wish me luck!