We do everything big in the Hectic Family. We live in a huge house, set on 14 acres of former pasture. We have eight kids. Each one of them was in sports all year round, often overlapping between seasons. When we compete, we compete at the highest levels.
Everything we do is on a grandiose scale.
Honestly, I’m not quite sure how we got this way. Partly it’s from our attitude as parents. We’re always asking the kids “how have you exceeded expectations?”. This leads everybody to try and be better than they were yesterday, but not in tiny, incremental ways. We’re more of a “hit a home run” kind of group. Sure, we look for the opportunities to advance with a single or a double, but the home run is always in our sights.
Recently, all the kids were home for the first time in nearly a decade. That sounds odd to say, but with such an active family spread across the U.S., it’s hard to get everybody here. It was great to have them all home, but our underlying superstructure was plain to see. We’re a competitive bunch, representing a desire to be the best at whatever we’re doing.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard “Go Big Or Go Home” during those four days we were together. It ranged from filling the grill with food to playing ping-pong. My bunch really does take competition to heart.
After the dust had settled (literally, not just figuratively!) I got to thinking about that phrase and what it means for me.
I’m like everybody else, I get into my comfort zone and don’t like to be shaken up. In reality, it’s a rut. I just trundle along in mediocrity, going from one day to the next. Sure, I espouse the idea of excellence to the kids. I talk a great game. I do what I can to get them to strive harder and reach farther. But I’m not living that example…I’m only talking.
Honestly, that came as something of a shock to me. I don’t usually ask myself the question “how have I exceeded expectations?”. I usually fulfill the role of the anchor. The foundation rock. The person that everybody else can depend on to do the little crap that needs to be done. In the past I’ve written about being the pit crew for my family. And that truly how I see myself.
Yet that also means I’ve given myself a pass at achieving excellence. I’ve avoided exceeding expectations, because meeting them has been enough.
But maybe just meeting expectations isn’t the goal. I’m thinking a lot about that right now and trying to figure out how I can “go big or go home” as a Dad. While all my kids are in their teens and beyond, I’ve now got grandchildren who look to me as a role model. Sure, I’m the fun grandpa who’s silly and crazy. But that opens up more opportunities to teach about life and how to be the best they can be.
So now I’m thinking about ways to lead by example, and not just by my words.
I mean, let’s be honest. If I don’t do it, who’s going to?